Sr Judith Yuen, FMM
God led me along the path of following his call to enter religious life: after contacting the fmm sister to plan the procedure of entry and preparing the documents needed, I resigned from my teaching posts and all service in the parish. What followed was to clear up my personal belongings. The hardest thing was to prepare my luggage for entry, it could not be done at home, or my grandmother and uncle would be alerted, leading to the knowledge of my parents in China, then the consequence would be disastrous. I told my spiritual director, Fr Mark Chen about my worries, without a second thought, he gave me the key of his room in the parish that I could get things prepared there. Immediately, I went out to buy a suitcase, put it under his bed. Then I waited for chance to get my clothing out from home. Whenever my family wanted to go out for meal, I would give a reason to stay back. When they were gone, I would quickly call a few brothers from the “Idiot” group to bring the clothes packed to Fr Chen’s room. I would pack my luggage before or after Mass at the parish.
I thought nobody noticed what I had been doing secretly, yet it was all observed by my family members. They felt the change in me and suspected I was doing something I would not like to let them know. Under their query I had to tell them my plan and begged them not to inform my parents to avoid causing them trouble. The strongest reaction came from my grandmother, who brought me up with her love and care, treating me as her own daughter all the years. She demonstrated her sorrow with tears and begged me to enter religious life only after her death. My aunt joined in with kind words and concern for me and my family, my will was under strong trial, my heart was nearly softened. My uncle, with his quiet character, reacted unexpectedly in a way contrary to his gentle nature. His anger went towards Fr Mark Chen, presuming he was the one behind my decision, influencing me to leave home. He told me he would go to confront Fr Mark Chen, carrying with him erosive liquid and a big chopper. I was greatly frightened, with his character, my uncle could mean what he said. I called Fr Chen immediately to alert him of my uncle’s idea, to avoid unnecessary harm done to him. The reply of Fr Chen added weight to my worry. He simply replied,’ Let him come!’ I was in anxiety and fear the following week, praying hard for God’s protection and strength. Nothing serious happened, I went to see Fr Chen with relief, he told me anyone who wanted to follow Christ would encounter the same difficulty from the family. After dealing with many hard cases, he had strong faith in God that difficulties would turn into blessings. His concern was for my grandmother whose health was fragile and was disturbed by my decision. He asked me to bring grandmother to see him, so that he could comfort her. Grandma was a Catholic, she knew and respected Fr Chen, so she agreed to go to see him.
With an unsettled heart, I brought grandma into Fr Chen’s room, the three of us were silent, the atmosphere in the room was heavy. Grandma started with tears, telling Fr Chen she loved me so much that she could not afford to lose me. She was afraid she could not see me after I entered religious life. The reason for her fear came from her knowledge that I accompanied one member of the Children of Mary to Macau to join the Carmelites. During those days, a contemplative (Carmelite) nun could not go home after entry, the only possibility for the family to see her was to visit her at the convent. Grandma got the idea I was planning to follow my friend, then, I would not be allowed to go home, and she could not go to visit me with her poor health, that meant she would not see me this life. Fr Chen responded with a big laugh, grandma and I were perplexed. He then said to grandma,’ Oh! Your fear is that your grand-daughter will enter the Carmelites. Don’t worry, with her character, if she enters the Carmelites, she will return home on her own after three days. She is planning to join the sisters where she studied, she can go home to visit you from time to time.’ Grandma gained back her smile and I was relieved.
After my desire to enter religious life was known, the joyful atmosphere in the family decreased. Grandma often found shedding tears in silence, her hair was turning white fast, with a sad look on her face. It pained me to see her drastic changes, yet I needed to show my firmness. Uncle became more serious and quiet, though my aunt tried to recover the peaceful mood at home with her joyful nature, I could still see the sorrow in her heart. What came more was the endless advice from good willed relatives, I was really exhausted. The only thing supported me during this difficult period was the grace and love of God, bringing me closer to Him and put my trust in Him, putting everything into his hands, with the faith that he would see me through. (to be continued)
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