– Fr Leonard E. Dollentas
Some years ago Robert McCarty, the executive director of the National Federation for Catholic Youth Ministry in the United States observed that as today’s youth are yearning for meaning and purpose in their lives “they will go where their hungers are fed…They want to know more about this faith of ours: our community, rituals, teachings, all of it.” The questions in this article are raised by both Catholic and non-Catholic teenagers. Questions that show their curiosity about the life of priests and their ministry and about a number of crucial issues that the young people of today have been grappling with.
Father, are you allowed to have girlfriends and have an intimate relationship with them?
Priests are human beings with feelings and emotions, but we should always be aware of the demands of the life we have embraced as priests. We live a life with the promise of chastity and any kind of sexual act breaks that promise. We have chosen willfully and voluntarily that to live the life of priesthood is to be chaste, to abstain from sexual pleasure. Any romantic relationships and having a girlfriend can be an occasion for being unfaithful to that promise and hence would result in sin. We consider chastity as our gift to God. This is not to give you the impression that girls or ladies are objects of sin and temptations to us. Of course not, we consider them as our coworkers in ministry, our friends and collaborators.
Father, what would you do if a homosexual couple wanted to get married in your church? If two people truly love each other, then why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry?
While the Catholic Church loves and respects everyone, that includes the homosexuals or the members of LGBT, it certainly holds to the norm it receives from God that marriage is absolutely between a man and a woman. God himself designed marriage as an institution with meaning and purpose. Therefore, marriage is not whatever we want it to be. No one has the authority to alter this design of God, not even the Church. To do so is to strip marriage of its purpose and meaning. Marriage is a divine vocation and not simply as something between two people who “love each other.” If we change the meaning of marriage to include “two people who love each other,” then we cannot prevent the possibility of three people, five people, or even ten people asking to redefine marriage because they love each other. We respect homosexuals and even welcome them to the Church. But, we abide by the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage.
I never went back again to confession after my first confession, my problem is: how can a priest forgive sin?
Most people who have this dilemma also argue that only Jesus can forgive sins because he is God. True, only Jesus forgives sins, but Jesus’ priesthood was also given to men so that they could continue his earthly work of forgiving sins. In John 20:19–23 Jesus appeared to his disciples after the resurrection. He consoled them and greeted them: “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so, I send you. And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” Here, clearly, Jesus is giving the apostles authority to forgive sins. Priests are the successors of the apostles in carrying out the ministry of Jesus. To this, I know you will retort and say: but priests are not God. Absolutely true, but then again the priest has the power to confer or convey the forgiveness of God—not by his own power but by the power that Christ conferred on his apostles and successors. They are acting in the place of Christ. When we say that a priest is acting in the place of Christ, we believe that the priest’s authority to convey forgiveness does not come from himself, it comes from Christ. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the priest stands in the place of Christ to declare forgiveness to the sinner. Be a good Catholic, go to confession and receive God’s forgiveness through the priest.
Father, I am not a Christian, and I think I cannot be a Christian because I’m afraid I may not be able to follow the commandments of God.
I guess you refer to the Ten Commandments. It is also called the Decalogue and it can be honored by all peoples, not just, because it is natural law. Being a Christian requires much more than simply following the Ten Commandments. Christianity is a way of life with freedom and love. Hence for a true Christian, the Commandments are not just collections of rules and regulations from God. They are loving signposts along the road of life that we might follow the right direction towards our real goal, eternal life. It was Pope Benedict XVI who said that “Christianity is more than and different from a moral code, from a series of requirements and laws … it is the gift of friendship. For this reason, it also contains within itself great moral strength which is so urgently needed today on account of the challenges of our time.” The Ten Commandments are given by God for our protection, that we may focus our direction on Him.
Father, I am saddened to say that I made an immoral choice. Some years ago I committed an abortion. Only afterward did I know it was murder. I carry this mortal sin and guilt until now. I even contemplate ending my life. How can God forgive me?
God knows how you suffer after that horrible decision you made years ago. The devil might be using your guilt so you may suffer more, lure you even to contemplate suicide and is holding you back from turning to God for forgiveness and healing. Find time to go to confession and if you are still in contact with the father of the child, ask him to do the same. Follow the priest’s advice on how you may prepare yourself to have true sorrow for your sins. God’s mercy is abundant; His grace will lead you to peace and joy. Just like the prodigal son in the Bible, you have offended God, now you came back to your senses and you deserve forgiveness. This does not mean that you will feel better instantly. You need time, you are dealing with hurts and pains that run very deep. You may even need a professional counselor to help you through this, to forgive yourself and those who pressed you in to commit such a sin. In your own parish there may be a ministry that offers help to people like you so you may recover from sin and guilt and from the pain you have undergone.
Father, I am from a Catholic family. I am 22 years old and I have a girlfriend. My parents have been concerned and keep telling us that we should wait until our marriage before we have sexual contact. To be honest we already had sex and didn’t understand why it was wrong.
Sex is a gift from God. It is a gift not just to bring pleasure but primarily to be open to new life (procreation) and to bring a married man and woman together (union). When sexual act is done by a married couple, they share their body in a more intimate and wonderful way and the act in this perspective is an act of love. In the context of pre-marital sexual act, it may look like true love but the act itself distorts the purpose of the sexual act and inevitably views the opposite sex as just source of pleasure. Why? Because if they truly loved each other, they would never risk each other’s future, virginity, pregnancy, disease and broken heart. Therefore, pre-marital sex can never be a loving act.
Your parents are right in reminding you that sex should be done only after marriage. In marriage, you are fully prepared to address any consequences of sexual act, you are ready to raise a child and there will be no guilt since the act will be inside the context of marriage with responsibility and commitment.
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